Over the past couple of months, we’ve had a blast writing the satirical pieces (one, two, three) about our ‘partnership’ with DoBros. You laughed, we laughed , it was all fun and games – until it wasn’t.
Enter DB Breweries.
That’s right, the creators of our beloved DoBros caught wind of the buzz and decided to slide into our DMs. They were apparently very impressed by the enthusiasm we’ve shown for DoBros (guess sarcasm doesn’t translate well to corporate lackeys) and they reached out, showering us with flattery, goodwill, and what can only be described as an offer evidently worth selling our souls for.
Usually, a decision like this would be put to the community for a big ol’ pow-wow, since, y’know, that’s how we’re meant to roll. However, DuE tO TiGhT dEAdLiNeS, $exCom had to make a quick decision on our behalf. The result? DB is now officially a silent sponsor. In suit-speak, that means ‘we’re helping, but don’t tell anyone we’re helping’.
As our sponsor, they’ll be be handing over heaps of free DoBros and DB merch (nothing screams Decommodification like big-brand swag) and covering a bunch of essential expenses – which wouldn’t exist if $exCom didn’t splurge on paying terrible actors to spread rumours of a Paddock-wide evacuation at Mudburn… Anyway, the good news: tickets for KB26 should be much cheaper. Yay, right?
Bad news? There’s a catch. Of course there’s a catch.
In exchange for their ‘incredible generosity’ (their words, not ours) DB has requested one thing: no Effigy run. Why? Because it ‘doesn’t align with the aesthetic of the DB brand’ – because when we think Double Brown, we automatically think polished sophistication *insert eye roll here*. Like a drunk leprechaun stumbling upon a pot of gold, $exCom were faced with something too shiny to resist. The sellouts agreed.
And just like that, one of the most beloved parts of Kiwiburn is gone: there will be NO EFFIGY RUN at KB25. Anyone attempting to break this new rule will be escorted off-site immediately. $exCom insists this was the right move to ‘secure the future of Kiwiburn’, but let’s be real – if you’re like me, the Run IS the future. It’s more than just a fun ritual: it’s a primal expression of our values, a moment where we embody freedom, Immediacy, and the very essence of Radical Self-Expression.
We’re all being asked to embrace this metamorphosis with a smile and a shrug. So, let’s raise a warm DoBro (and maybe a middle finger) to this shiny new Paddock life. After all, what’s a little tradition when there’s free booze to be had? Cheers.
