Given that the EFP is a voice for the community (and definitely not just because we’re low on news at the moment), we thought we’d post this guest column by Judas Bailey (of the 7.35ish o’clock news).
Here’s what we’ve been asked to post:
Rusty Joint’s competition, “Capture the Cock,” has been outdone by a new and improved challenge sweeping the nation. Brought to you by everyone’s favourite camp, Camp Nipple Clamp (they’re sexy, but still #not a sexcamp) this latest event is called “Commandeer the Cushion.”
Taken from CNC Thursday during the event and spotted last on an undisclosed art car. The cushion perfectly matches a cane lounge seat (part of a matching set) that was custom made and lovingly crafted from bright green vintage fabric, designed so that any of the CNC adoring public could sit down and relax in front of the TV.
I had the opportunity to speak with CNC anchor Mike C*nt in the greenroom, who shared his thoughts:
“An armchair is a bit useless when it’s missing its comfy back cushion, and a cute matching 3-piece lounge furniture set isn’t as cute and matching when it doesn’t matchy-matchy. Stealing – that’s so KB2018!”
Kiwiburn’s newest sponsor, DB Breweries, has joined in to offer a reward of half a box of sun-ripened Dobro’s for the safe return of the cushion. CNC will even throw in half a jar of mustard—plus, they’ll cover the postage.
Any leads? kiwiburnscampnippleclamp@gmail.com
Stay tuned to your inbox for more updates as this riveting story unfolds.
