Please do not scroll!
I write to you from an undisclosed location. I barely escaped the clutches of the DOP. I’ve lost count of how long I’ve been held captive writing the EFP but now I’ve finally made my daring bid for freedom.
In order to maintain the illusion that everything is totally fine, I need a willing tribute to take my place in the DOP. Could this be you?
This is not your ordinary hostage situation. This role involves regularly checking emails, liaising with other KB teams, and writing (sometimes also publishing) the only reliable source of truth – the EFP. You’ll need to have the stomach for shit talking, chaos, and channeling sometimes mildly feral information into something resembling a coherent newsletter. You’ll be deeply embedded within a team of highly skilled operatives (AKA: other hostages) who are, annoyingly, genuinely amazing humans.
Perks of captivity include:
- Being WELL fed (emotionally, spiritually, and occasionally with cheese)
- Very questionable yarns
- A coveted allocated ticket
- Exclusive on-Paddock DOP gatherings featuring strong G&T’s and quality shenanigans
Stockholm syndrome can be expected.
Side effects may include:
- Laughter
- Friendship
- Constant craving for a warm DoBro
- Becoming a DJ who wears shoes
- A strange fondness for mustard
If you feel the call to step into this completely voluntary and not-at-all coerced position, now is your moment. The DOP must never suspect I’ve escaped.
Apply now before they realise you’ve read this. TRUST ME – you won’t regert it.
Image credit: @fra.gmentz
