For those of us who were at Kiwiburn 23 AKA Mudburn AKA Swamp-Stomp, we all remember getting just a scooch of liquid dirt on our toes at some stage throughout the festivities. Obviously, this was utterly unacceptable. If there’s ONE thing Burners all unanimously hate, it’s nature (gross).
Well, the benevolent Crew in the Treasury have dug deep under the Misty Mountains and found enough hoarded dwarven gold to come up with a permanent solution to ALL our problems. Kiwiburn has purchased the train off the government that was supposed to be ferrying people across the Manukau Harbour by now, and decided to turn it into the Kiwiburn Monorail.
That’s right, there’s nothing on Earth like a genuine, bona fide electrified, six-car monorail!
You won’t have to worry about mud ever again! Instead, you’ll cruise airily above the Paddock in lavish style as you are ferried around to your favourite Theme Camps. There’s even talk of a first class cabin being installed, handing out free champagne and puppies for those esteemed patrons.
*Economy class will receive a feral stoat in a paper bag and a warm Double Brown.
See here for the proposed route and terminus building so you can plan out your Theme Camp attendance in advance. If your Theme Camp is not on the proposed trainline, you can apply here to have a private helipad installed.
For those of you concerned about emissions, rest assured, our monorail runs entirely on hateful YouTube comments, so it can easily run for thousands of Burns to come!